Ship Mix

This article talks about the proposed tax on alcohol, and how locals are reacting to it.

"In Pittsburgh, protesters dumped beer and liquor into a river after county officials approved a 10 percent tax on poured drinks."

OK, I get the symbolism - the protesters were taking a page out of American history by recreating the Boston tea party. Nice try, but they screwed up on an important point.

On December 16, 1773, after officials in Boston refused to return three shiploads of taxed tea to Britain, a group of colonists boarded the ships and destroyed the tea by throwing it into Boston Harbor.

See the difference here? They destroyed tea owned by the Brits, not tea THEY owned! No way they were throwing their tea in the drink.

The Pittsburgh protesters dumped stuff they bought themselves. Why would gov officials care what a person does with the stuff after they buy it? Since the sewer system is directly routed into that river, the liquor is going to get there anyways, whether they dump it directly or let it pass through their bodies first. Why not enjoy it, then protest by flushing!

"And in Kentucky, protesters poured bourbon on the Capitol's front steps to demonstrate their opposition to a 6 percent sales tax on all booze."

Again, what a waste. Drink it, then piss on the steps. That's a much stronger statement of protest. And you can get drunk, so when the riot police are bashing you with the clubs, it'll feel like kittens climbing playfully over you. Or so I imagine.

What 80's Hair Band Are You

Take the quiz yourself! It's mullet friendly.

Chuck Wants To Leave US

Let me start by saying that Chuck Norris is a badass. He fought Bruce Lee (and lost), scores of terrorists, separatists, asians, red-bellied communists and many many bad guys as a Texas Ranger.


He has delivered more spinning face kicks than a Dojo Sempai. And he wears cowboy boots, so imagine hard leather kissing your face at 60 miles an hour! Now you're getting the idea.

But (and you knew there was going to be a 'but') he has finally lost it. And by "it" I mean his ever-lovin mind.

I stood by him when he found Jesus and started a "new" family with his child bride. He started pushing his various exercise machines and his religious agenda in commercials and so be it. This agenda is now pushing him to speak out on various conservative radio shows, voicing his dislike of how the country is going. He sees things going to a civil war, as government is out of control, spending all our hard-earned money and throwing it away on various waste programs.


What this may call for, Chuck has been saying on radio shows and in print, is for states to succeed from the United States and go it on their own. He said he would be happy to lead Texas down that road tomorrow. (full story here)

Freeze, Chuck.

We are where we are not because of any actions from the last 2 months. We are in a huge hole because of years before now. The deficit was there 3 months ago. The spending was happening years ago, so why the spinning kick to the current *brand new* administration? If you care so much, where was your voice about waste 2 years ago? One year ago? Why the treasonous words now, just as measures are beginning to reverse the negative course we have been on for so long?

Chuck can be emotional. You've seen it, the tear rolling down the cheek as he views the carnage of mangled bodies after he's just partied ninja-style. From an editorian he wrote on the subject:

For those losing hope, and others wanting to rekindle the patriotic fires of early America... join me and millions of people across the country in the live telecast, "We Surround Them," on Friday afternoon.... Thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation... My wife Gena and I will be hosting one from our Texas ranch, in which we've invited many family members, friends and law enforcement to join us. It's our way of saying "We're united, we're tired of the corruption, and we're not going to take it anymore!"

As you can see, it's totally legitimate - he has invited law enforcement to be there. So it's not like he's trying to form some rebel group trying to blow up the death star or anything.

Eyes Without A Face

The monkey that went crazy a few weeks back continues to be the talk of the lunch table at work. If you've heard the audio of the 911 call you'll agree it's truly chilling, the terror in the owners voice as she cowers in her car while the enraged chimpanzee literally goes apeshit on her friend.

There is nothing funny about the incident itself, but the usual media circus that has surrounded the tragedy has been predictably moronic. The pinnacle, IMHO, was the report that the poor animal was driven to his outburst because the friend had 1) a new haircut 2) was driving a different car 3) taunted the animal with an Elmo doll. While I don't necessarily disagree that being taunted by Elmo can get your ire up, what's with the haircut? Was the animal thrown off by the MajicCut haircut, which was not up to the usual stylist quality?

And the part about the car, I really don't get that one. Is this monkey hanging out in the window watching people arrive and checking out their ride? Was the monkey such a big fan of her previous car that the fact she had something else rubbed him the wrong way? maybe the old car a pleasing banana-yellow and the new candy-apple red color was the symbol of aggression. Or was the chimp just very pro-american, and the lady had the nerve to pull up in a Honda? You certainly can't hold it against the little hairy dude that he wasn't aware that some Hondas are made in the US. Because some are.

It's all a load of bullcrappy. The real trigger was nature! Monkeys are wild animals, whether reared in captivity or not. Just because you strap a diaper on an animal doesn't mean it's house-trained. It'll smear it's feces all over your walls if you give them half a chance. Or worse, as we've seen. A Fox news article had what I consider the perfect quote on the subject:

"This was a beast taken out of his element and put into our world," Ackley said. "What he did was essentially what they do in the jungle."

Beast - that's the word. He may display intelligence, play with a ball, and eat a Big Mac to entertain your friends, but at some point the genetic programming takes hold, and you're little playmate is going to go primal on your ass. Or face.

One interesting coincidence is Michael Jackson. He had a chimp named Bubbles for quite some time, during which he underwent several facial changes, and wore a mask much of the time. His nose, in particular underwent several surgeries and at one point disappeared. Was Bubbles the cause of the facial disfiguations? Remember, you heard it here first.