Losing It

These are few videos that have been making the rounds of a Russian Office Worker Rampage. The first one is from a fixed video camera in an office, and I thought it was staged. Then came the footage of people who used their cameras to record the carnage, and you can even see the people recording the fight instead of helping break it up.

Office Camera:
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/russian-office-rampage/2446169318



Handheld:
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/more-footage-of-russian-office-worker-rampage/2845368029



These videos reminded me of a crazy-ass guy I worked with in a help desk a few years back. He (I'll call him "Stan") read gun magazines and bathed infrequently. His hair-trigger anger and bi-polar mood swings kept us all at bay, no daring to confer on technical calls or small talk.

Every Halloween he dressed as Captain Kirk, and decorated his chair so it resembled the command chair of the Enterprise. Complete with buttons that made authentic sounds.

Stan's outbursts inspired us all to have emergency escape plans from the large cube pod we sat in. My plan was to bound over the top of the cube wall and run like my ass was on fire, which it might well have been.

He aspired to be a second level technician, and when a posting arose for such a position, he applied with vigor. He heard that another person in the building also had applied, a contractor with hopes of being hired internally. Early one morning, Stan visited the contractors cube and hacked his pc, trashing his hard drive when he had gotten whatever info he was after. Stan wasn't so swift however, and was seen by co-workers at the guy's desk. When confronted, he denied sabotaging the pc in hopes of knocking his competition out.

Stan, having been caught red-handed, was an HR dilemma. He must have had some dirt on somebody, because he wasn't fired, but allowed to re-post to anther position. In an ironic twist, he applied and was accepted to the security department. Imagine my surprise when I visited another building on campus and saw him behind the security glass.

I sure didn't feel safe.

Stop me if you've seen this one

but it cracks me up every time.

The Emu Story

My friend Julie stopped by my cube and shared her amazing Emu story with me, and I'm passing it along.

Julie is driving south on the Northway, heading back to Albany from Lake George. It's a nice day, the sun is out, the traffic sparse. Sometimes on that road you feel like you're on a NASCAR circuit, as drivers (who all seem to be from New Jersey) bob and weave across three lanes of traffic like Dale Jr. at Talledega. Not today, just a casual drive.

Suddenly, she sees a animal running North on the wide grass divide between the North and Southbound lanes. She turns to her friend sitting next to her and says "I think we just passed an Emu." Annette, wise to Julie's playful nature doesn't believe her at first. Julie isn't going to let this go, she needs to know if that was what she saw. She exits the highway at the next exit, and heads North again. Sure enough, she passes an Emu, now being chased by 3 men. "See!" she says, "Emu!"

A mile further she hangs a U turn on a service connector and heads South again, all the while wondering if she should call someone. "Call 911." She says to Annette, but Annette ishakes her head as she laughs, "They'll never believe me, they'll think it's a prank!"

Taking the matter into her own hands, Julie pulls over and dials them up. "This isn't an emergency, but I don't know who to call." she begins. "There's an Emu running up the Northway being chased by a few guys who are running all over the road." To her surprise, the operator is not thrown, but has actually heard a report of a missing Emu. "We'll get someone out there." Calm as a freakin cucumber he was, as if she has just told him the sky was blue.

Based on the 911 Operator's placid reaction, I envisioned a WANTED poster of the Emu on the wall behind him. Yeah, we're on the lookout for THAT Emu.

Julie hung up, but before she could pull off the side of the road, a man ran up waving his arms. "Call the cops!" he pants. "We're chasing an Emu!"

The sweating man goes on the explain he was driving a Schwans truck, and saw the Emu, so he pulled over and started chasing it on foot. He was soon joined by other guys who helped him chase the rare flightless bird. Julie assured him that she had already called it in, and the guy ran off to re-join the pursuit.

Resuming her drive home, Julie saw the car and then the Schwan truck sitting on the side of the road. Abandoned.

The best part of the story for me was wondering what these winners were thinking. What were they going to do if the caught it? Emu's have long razor-shark beak and thin but strong legs with talon-like feet. Either one can inflict serious damage if they take a dislike to you. From the description, this animal was just a bit freaked out running up a highway with cars whizzing by and strangers chasing his ass.

As far as why they were running after it, maybe the thrill of an Emu chase is just not something you can understand through a description, but were you to encountered the situation in real life. A primal instinct kicks in, the adrenaline surges and all thoughts of the possible danger would be out the window. Maybe like the dudes that run with the bulls at Papilloma.

Just for my own edification, I looked up Emus, and I learned a few things:

• They can live up to 20 years.
• Their calls consist of loud booming, drumming and grunting sounds
• that can be heard up to two kilometers away.
• Emus are farmed for their meat, oil and leather.
• Emus can travel great distances at a fast trot and can sprint at 50
• km/h (30 mph) for some distance at a time.
• The Emu is unofficially considered the national bird of Australia.

There was nothing on how to catch an Emu. I'm guessing it involves a gun and dart of some kind.

You Got Served

You're a little kid, you're at some event and people start dancing. You're curious, you want to get involved. You make your way onto the floor and start busting your moves and then...



(click to see the action)

... you get served!

That'll teach ya.

Shake

There I am, visiting with one of my doctors from my recent illness. This guy is a specialist in infectious diseases, which Pneumonia technically is. So is lepercy, and several other very nasty things, as I learned from the educational posters in the office. The super-magnified picture of a deer-tick was especially detailed.

When the doctor finally made his appearance 15 minutes late (I was courteous enough to be 15 mins early, just saying) he suited up in gloves and mask before carrying out the quick (unneeded) exam. I was ok with that, I know he sees a lot of people during the day, and doesn't want to risk picking up anything, even from an amazingly healthy patient (me).

At the conclusion, he proclaimed me on the mend and said he didn't need to see me for any more follow ups. Our parting was awkward, as he didn't offer his hand in the usual way, just said "Any other questions?" I said no, and he nodded and said, "Goodbye then." and walked away.

So, you just said I'm healthy. You are surrounded by all kinds of anti-bacterial soaps and gloves and masks and filtering devices, but can't even offer to shake my hand? I was offended.

He was a nice guy, and I'm sure he's seen some really gruesome stuff. Maybe enough stuff so he never wants physical contact with another human again. But how about maybe just a fist bump? I doubt you can catch anything from that.