I'm A Neilson Family

I just helped shape the face of television.

Hey, your welcome.

Nielsen Media Research contacted me about contributing to their survey on tv viewing. I've always wanted to do this, so their offer of five (yes, 5) dollars was almost offensive. But I accepted it. Hey, it's a gallon of gas right there.

My diary arrived as promised by special delivery, and that alone made me feel special. I unwrapped the package carefully, thumbing through the blank pages of the small book that would record MY viewing habits for one week. For one glorious week, my tv shows would get the kudos they richly deserved!

Then I promptly went out of town for 5 days.

So it was bad timing for the whole watch tv and write it down thing. In fact, the week I was a Neilson tv watcher I barely watched ANY tv at all. It's summer, and my pale Irish skin needs sunlight. My diary did not go back empty though. On the night before I was due to mail lit back, I scanned the TV listings and wrote down the shows I would have watched, had it been crappy weather, or I was actually home.

Here's a sneak preview of the shows that were graced by my viewing record and therefore will get huge rating boosts when my diary is tabulated.

Good Eats -FOOD- Alton Brown is the kind of person I could get drunk with and have a bunch of fun. And if we got hungry, he would whip up awesome munchies. I got to see him live a few months back and he seriously rocked.

Scare Tactics - SCIFI- Greatest show on tv (except for the Office). Scan U-Tube and watch anything you can find. Right now! You'll urinate in your clothing laughing.

The Office - TBS - Even in reruns, greatest show on tv.

Those were the highlights. I also threw in some other shows that I wanted to help. Guilty pleasures I guess you could call them.

Judge Judy - CBS- The red hair, the sarcastic tone of voice, the robe. As the band Cake said it so well : "With fingernails that shine like justice and a voice that is dark like tinted glass. She is fast and thorough and sharp as a tack. She's touring the facility and picking up slack I want a girl with a short skirt and a long.... long jacket."

Fuego en la Sangre - Univsion - no idea what it's about but the women are muy caliente.

Country Fried Home Videos - CMT - Picture America's Funniest Home Videos, but with guys in ripped t-shirts doing strange things with old cars and explosives.

Sealed and signed, the diary went into the mail the next week and back to be tabulated into the magical Neilson Ratings Book for that month. True to their word, five crisp one dollar bills were tucked in the diary, and removed before I sent it back.

I would have done it for free.