The Lure of The Pink Panther

My brother Tim likes to experiment, so it was no surprise when he revealed a drink he had concocted, which he called the Pink Panther. As it turns out, there are already several drinks called "Pink Panther", though none quite like his.

Some use gin, dry vermouth, creme de cassis and orange juice, while another contains pink lemonade, coconut rum and whipped cream. There's even a non-alcoholic version made with milk, raspberry jam and vanilla ice cream. Like I said, Tim's is slightly different.

So last weekend I was in Victoria BC, sitting around a table at my sister Kate's house with my other siblings and their friends. The topic was drinks, and I mentioned that Tim had come up with a cool drink called the Pink Panther. The girls were immediately interested, as it sounded cute - without even knowing what was in it.

Later in the evening a late arrival was offered a shot of the Mysterious Pink Panther. He signed on, sight unseen of the ingredients. Brave he was, pausing only to admire the pink-colored shot when it came before and tossed it into his mouth. His lips smacked as he tried to define the flavor.

"It tastes like..." he trailed off, trying to pick it out.
"Chalky?" I offered.
"Mediciny?" Kate asked.
"A bit." he nodded. "What's in it?'
"Pepto-Bismal and vodka." I said. "May I recommend a chaser of Fiber-Con?

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Continental Breakfast

A brief letter to Continental Airlines...

Dear CA,

Kudo's! You delivered me from coast to coast with a minimum of delays and discomfort. In fact, aside from a 45 minute delay on the final leg last night, you had a perfect on-time record. Blame it on Newark!

The food selections on the flights was... curious. The breakfast on the way out was a hit - a basic breakfast sandwich which hit the spot as we cruised at 7,000 ft. Yum. On the way home, I was offered a small round parcel that was labelled "Pizza", although by look and taste it didn't resemble any pizza I've ever encountered, and I've seen a few. The taste was reminicent of an old bagel with ketchup on it. Then step on it with an old boot. Now try and eat it. You see what I mean?

A word about the movies. I get that you have to pick something that a diverse crowd will not get offended by, but c'mon, Doctor Doolittle 3? It was so bad Eddie Murphy refused to be see in it, and he IS Dr. Doolittle! The movie on the way home was so nameless I didn't catch the name. My suggestion, how about some classics? Peter Sellers in "The Party", or "This is Spinal Tap" -both are sure to be a crowd pleasers. I've been doing this flying thing too long to rely on you for my entertainment, so I brought my little dvd player. I was watching "Shop Girl" and "Bring On The Night", both wayyyy too grown up for the rest of the plane (swearing and nudity, oh my!)

Lastly, my baggage. You didn't lose my bags this time, and I appreciate that. Of course, you didn't have a chance to lose them because I didn't check any bags. Yeah, I've learned.

All in all, a pleasure. And no snakes!

Very Truly Yours,
Shamus

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Shamus, Man of International Identities

Tomorrow I leave on a (semi) covert mission back to the White Rock, BC. I mean, I'm blogging it so it's not THAT secret, but my folks don't surf the internet, so it should be cool. But if you're going to the party Sunday, then shhhh!

My journey will traverse several cities / modes of travel, including a rickshaw in Seattle and my first seaplane flight. I hope they let me ride on the outside of the plane, on one of the floats, hanging on like James Bond. I've always wanted to do that. And what an entrance into Victoria Harbor! The tourists having afternoon tea at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel will drop their crumpets at the sight.

Another first - this will also be the break-in trip on an American passport. In some ways, I think it's silly to need one just to go to Canada, but it will make the process move much faster, or so I'm told.

It's hard not to be reminded of the days when I traversed the border almost daily by ducking through a hole in a fence. If I tried that stunt today, I'd find a Doberman chewing my ass.

Enjoy this travel related joke...

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder.

She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches down the nuts.

After approximately 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds.

She repeats this gesture about eight times.

At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.

"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.

Where upon the old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."

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Hey Eddie

Anybody remember Crazie Eddie?



Just askin.

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Chinese Elvis

Something about Elvis impersonators has always intrigued me. The best ones are those for whom the line of reality and impersonation have blurred, and they believe, somehow, they are Elvis. Yes, that makes them kind of scarry.

May I introduce CHINESEELVIS. I'm not sure if this guy falls into that category, but he seems pretty deep into the gig. As his site claims:

"The online home to the UK's most popular award-winning Chinese Elvis impersonator! CHINESEELVIS is the first and only Chinese Elvis registered with the Actor's Union, Equity. He has been a member since 1988."

I mean, c'mon. He's registered. AND you can buy an Elvis thong on his site, so there's that.

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To Not Know

The Jon Benet news is pretty wild. I'm not sure yet if it's just some guy confessing for attention, or for real. I had chalked this story up to being another unsolved mystery, the perpetrator escaping the long arm of the law.

Unsolved crimes interest me. At the same time, it's annoying realizing that you may never know the answer. Was Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone? Did aliens really land in Roswell, New Mexico? Did OJ really knife Nicole and the waiter? Well, OK. So maybe that one isn't such a mystery.

I'm not a big believer in the whole after-life scenrio, but one perk would be finding out what the hell happened to DB Cooper.

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Just say "Nein"

Check out this site. It's a collection of Swedish Band Press photos from the 1970's.

I don't care HOW good the drugs were back in the 70's, there is just no excuse for what the GertJonnys are wearing. None. Nein.



I know "nein" is German, not Swedish, but that's as close as I can get.

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Caged Fury

The Catskill Game Farm was an institution, and now it's going to close.

Just about anybody who grew up around Upstate NY has a picture of themselves as a kid at the game farm, either standing in the petting zoo area feeding a baby goat or sitting in a large black kettle in the play area. Yeah, that's right, like a cooking kettle. Don't ask me what the hell it meant.

Back in June I took my 6 year old son for a repeat visit to the game farm, as we live pretty close by. It was de-press-ing. We hadn't been in a year or so, and the place looked more run-down and decrepit than ever. The large signs above the different areas of the farm listing the animals in there were blotched with paint where they had painted over attractions/animals that were no longer there. The empty cages were kind of eerie.

The animals that were still there all looked either sick or pissed off. The Rhino was repeatedly banging his head on a tree stump. The little Recess Monkeys were refusing to leave their overnight shelter, so the worker had to poke them to get them out into the cage. The Elephant, which was the major draw and Dan's favorite animal was MIA. You kind of notice a missing elephant, don't you? We did.

The train ride (another favorite) belched black smoke and barely pulled the empty rail cars up the slight incline of the short loop that it runs. Even the birds were in sad shape - we saw a multicolored macaw that lunged at the cage as we approached. Dan tilted his head at the bird and said, "Hey Dad, what's he mad about?"

I'm not an animal rights activist, but even I was put off by the sad shape of the animals at the game farm. The owners say they are closing to "retire" and acknowledge that "attendance has dropped off" recently. The local paper revealed that there are new, stricter regulations coming on-line this year dealing with the care and feeding of animals. I'm guessing the game farm knew they were in big trouble meeting those rules, and bailed.

There will be a big auction this fall to sell off the remaining animals. If you're in the market for an angry, molting parrot, or a mountain lion that has been poked by sticks daily for 15 years, check it out. I'm sure you can get a real deal on some caged fury.

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Shakes On A Plane

Not since "Jaws" has there been such an aptly-named movie than "Snakes On A Plane". It's just great. Even if the movie blows (I'm not saying it does, I haven't seen it yet) the movie will be a classic. You can bet your sweet ass there will be a long list of copy-cat movies coming out in the next few years.

I look back at movies that have already came out, and the opportunities the producers missed going with this "In Your Face" movie-naming trend.

Movies like...
"Foriegn Cars Racing"
"Two Gay Cowboys"
"Chinese Guys Fighting"
"Busride From Hell"
"More Tom Cruise"

OK, so maybe it won't be a new trend after all.

All I know is I have a flight in 2 weeks, and on top of the missing Eqyptian students and exploding toothpaste and Gatorade, now I have to worry about loose reptiles on board my plane? And I can't even bring my MP3 player to calm my nerves? Fuck.

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Disturbing

For a struggling artist like myself, this site(Museum Of Bad Art) gave me hope, and inspiration. One day, maybe one of mine will hang proudly on the walls of MOBA.

Loosely styled after the MOMA (Museum Of Modern Art) site, the online museum offers excellent information and a brief critique of the works. You learn where the piece was acquired, background on the image (if they have it) and point out the details that make it what it is. Which is bad art.

This was the picture that started the whole thing.



"The Museum Of Bad Art was founded the night Scott Wilson pulled this painting from a trash pile on a Boston street. It is the cornerstone upon which the entire institution was built. "

Other excellent pieces, IMHO.
Peter The Kitty
Jarez The Clown
Tables Have Turned
Madonna with Smile

Disturbing. I think that's the common theme in those works.

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News That Makes Me Nervous

This can't be good.

In case you're too damn lazy to click the link, there are 11 Egyptian students missing. Well, they may not be students. They came to the US a month ago on a student VISA, but never showed up on campus. And no, they ain't just blowing off the 8am class. They haven't even made it to the dorm to put up their Nelly Furtado posters.

The school has tried repeatedly to contact the students, Conover said, including sending e-mails. When that failed, the school notified Homeland Security officials and registered the Egyptians as "no-shows" in the system developed after Sept. 11 to track foreign students, Conover said.

I have to fly somewhere later this month. Yeah, I'm a little concerned.

My Flavor-ite Martian

My sister Mary is in town from the West Coast for the wedding of one of her friends. While enjoying a late night repast in one of Albany's hot night spots, "Justins", she bumped into none other than Rap/Pop/VH1 star Flava Flave. He was enjoying a dinner with his baby's mamma. Flava Flayyyyyyve.


Flava is the guy in the middle

When retelling this little story to a friend over dinner last night, she remarked that Flava didn't do it for her. She had seen his shows on VH1, but wasn't really a fan. I have to agree that his "Flavor Of Love" show was an aquired taste, but he was brilliant when he was living in the has-been house. The man was born to be in front of a screaming crowd. Or a tv camera.

Personally, I've always loved the clock. Public Enemy rocked pretty good too.

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I Guess I'm A Mousehead, then?

So being a token Canadian friend to several people, I get email with jokes aimed at that demographic. I like being a token Canadian, especially when I can clear up confusion about issues like the difference between a Loonie ($1) and a Toonie ($2), or describing fine Canadian cuisine, like Poutine. Hmmmm. Poutine.

As a result, I've heard most of the slang for Canadians. There's Canuck, Nuck, Puckhead, Cheesehead, Tundra Trapper, and Molsonite. Some less used monikers I've heard are Frosties, RCMPeeps, Maple Leaf Wipers and Muckalucker. But I've never heard of "Mouse Head", as seen in this little cartoon.



So I asked the sender what Mouse Heads was, and he never wrote back. Granted, he's a busy guy, but I have to assume he has no idea. When searching for the answer, I came across some other similar maps.

This one...


And this one...


Google also wondered, like me, if they meant something else.


So if you know what Mouse Head means, let me know. And a shout out to all my mouse head readers!

A Bridge With A Badass Name

5 Reasons To Name a Bridge After Chuck Norris

1) Like Chuck Norris, it will fight back against the elements.

2) Drivers will be more alert on a bridge named after a man that kills without provocation.

3) Unlike most brdges in Hungry, this one will never be blocked by broken down cars, as Chuck has no patience for failure.

4) The bridge will solve crimes.

5) All tolls collected from using the bridge will funnel back to the Chuck Norris Fund for Kids With Skinny Arms.

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